


Don't Give Up Your Day Job

by Danger_Zone24



Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: Apparently I have no sense of humour, Apparently the jokes are funny, Christmas, M/M, My dad helped, They're Not, dad jokes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-06
Updated: 2016-12-06
Packaged: 2018-09-06 21:17:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8769640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Danger_Zone24/pseuds/Danger_Zone24
Summary: What it says on the tin.





	

**December Sometime - Around the middle of the month. Possibly.**

 

Q: So this one or… * holds up decorations *

 

J: Yes.

 

Q: You haven’t even looked at my suggestions.

 

J: True, but the answers still going to be yes.

 

Q: To which though?

 

J: I dunno, just yes.

 

Q: That’s helpful.

 

J: I know. Just like knowing how many tickles it takes to make an octopus laugh. Which is ten tickles by the way.

 

Q: Sadness.

 

J: Oh come on, don’t be like that. That was a good one!

 

Q: Seriously, it wasn’t.

 

T: Um. It was actually.

 

Q: Double sadness!

 

J: Haven’t heard of a Double-O agent going by that call sign. Have you, Tanner?

 

T: No, I haven’t. Speaking of hearing things, have you heard why the boss crossed the road?

 

J, Q: No?

 

T: Because he was the boss. Also have you heard why the second in charge crossed the road?

 

Q: Because there was a meeting?

 

T: Yes, there was.

 

Q: Oh shit, I missed another one didn’t I?

 

T: Bond was supposed to inform you, especially since this one was the annual who’s going to work on Christmas day meeting. Which is the both of you, by the way. Congratulations.

 

J: Well, don’t blame me, Q. I was caught up helping you, and informing you of which bees produce milk.

 

Q: Don’t, please don’t finish that sentence. You’ve been no help whatsoever.

 

J: * Sigh * Youth these days are so ungrateful!

 

**Sometime in December again - Quite possibly closer to Christmas this time.**

 

Q: Eve, you must come shopping with me.

 

E: Why? Now?

 

Q: Yes, now! This is the only time I have to go get some really horrendous Christmas cardigans. If I’m going to be stuck in here listening to James’s jokes the entire time I may as well wear something seriously festive and awful.

 

E: You need my help for that? * raises eyebrow *

 

Q: Well no, but you keep pestering me to buy a new wardrobe so we may as well get it over and done with. Seriously, I don’t know what the appeal is with skinny jeans and trench coats, but whatever.

 

E: Are you feeling ok? Don’t answer that, I’ll take whatever Christmas miracle I can get.

 

J: Just don’t let him buy anything with Velcro. Because it’s a rip off.

 

Q: Why did the can crusher quit its job? Because it was soda pressing. Oh good God, I may need professional help.

 

J: You know, I used to hate facial hair but then it grew on me. Are you going to get knitted cardigans? Christmas trees are bad a knitting because they keep dropping their needles.

 

Q: Quickly, we have to go now. He’s not going to stop!

 

J: How are you going to get to the shops though? You could take the kind of motorcycle Santa rides. A holy Davidson.

 

E: I’m so sorry, Q. * pats his shoulder *

 

**Sometime in December again – Possibly Christmas or Christmas Eve. One of the two. Or both.**

Q: You know I love you, right?

 

J: What do you call somebody that has nobody but has a nose? Nobody knows. But in regards to your question, I know; I love you too. It’s atoms I don’t trust. They make up everything.

 

Q: * Sigh * What else do you know?

 

J: I know that cats are smarter then dogs, because dogs can’t operate a MRI machine, but cats can. I also know that you can’t have a nose 12 inches long because then it’ll be a foot. * Checks watch * I have more but since it is now officially Christmas, I’ll stop with the jokes as part of my present to you. Just as long as you take the cardigan off.

 

Q: This one is comfy though! Besides you can’t know that many jokes….

 

J: Oh, but I do.

 

Q: A whole day’s worth?

 

J: Tell you what. I’ll let you keep that thing, whatever it is, on until I run out of jokes.

 

Q: Ok, deal. To make it more interesting, if you run out of jokes you’ll have to wear this for a day. No cheating as well, so you can’t look any up on the internet.

 

**December again obviously – Christmas Day as well obviously**

J: Have you heard of the band 1023 MB? They haven’t got a gig yet. Or about the guy who invented the knock knock jokes? He won the no bell prize.

 

Q: I deeply regret making that bet with you!

 

J: Is this pool safe for diving? It deep ends.

 

Q: Argh. Hey, I think it’s snowing. Do you want to go outside and make snow men?

 

J: As long as you know how to tell a snow man from a snow woman.

 

Q: Yes, I know that one. The answers snow balls.

 

J:  I think I’ll give a shout out to all the sidewalks. You’ve kept me off the streets.

 

Q: Honestly, James what am I going to do with you?

 

J: Tell me the difference between the normal alphabet and the Christmas alphabet?

 

Q: The Christmas alphabet has no L.

 

J: Hmm. I think you need to give me your cardigan.

 

Q: Why? Are you cold? You should’ve brought a coat.

 

J: * Pointed look *

 

Q: Oh. OH!  Hallelujah! * Happy dance *


End file.
